Died: March 4, 2013
City(ies): New York / Los Angeles / Tel Aviv
Family: Alex and Yanir
The Cutest Habbit: Sit on the porch and look at the world
My dog taught me: What does it mean "being together"
A Letter to My Dog.I hope that now, less than 24 hours after you breathed your last breath inside that sweet body of yours, you are in a place where you can still feel us and understand us and hear what I have to say to you.
I want so much for you to know how much I miss you, and how often I sit in front of the big photo of you in the living room and look at you. And how much this house of ours is empty without you. It is so empty that I feel that a part of my body has been torn out and taken away. So painful. I miss my orange lump who walks around the house, with his little feet knocking on the wooden floor. I miss my sweet dog who, no matter what I did, even if sometimes I was angry at him, would always want to be beside me, when I worked at my desk, when I played the piano, when I watched TV. It's been six years that he was sitting down beside my legs. We were together a long time. I miss that tongue of yours that was always busy, that was occasionally licking my face when I cried until my face almost fell off. You hated to see me cry.
Dreyfus, I knew that you were suffering over the last few months. I can imagine that it's not easy being old. You didn't really hear very well, and didn't recognize me from afar, and you accidently pooped without even knowing and it made you feel so ashamed. And then we had to be careful with your food because you had a pancreas infection, but your back legs...that must have been the hardest of all. At the age of 10, when you started knocking with your feet on the floor every morning to wake us up, we already understood that it was a problem. That knocking became our natural alarm clock every morning for the past five years. At some point it had stopped working for you and then we got into the picture and started with the medication, until two months ago you fell really hard and even the medication didn't help anymore, remember?
It was then that we started to think about the end, but I didn't give up and fought for your life. I didn't give up because the doctor said that the stronger pills would help. You hated those pills, and I had to shove them into you and it was horrible, remember? We were at this rental place that we all hated so much while renovating the house, and all I wanted for you was to come back to your house, on Westbourne, and sit again by the rounded glass window that you loved so much, looking out at the view. Then you'd come out to the porch and sit next to the two stone steps and maybe that would help you pass the time with less pain when we weren't there.
My Dreyfus, after you fell the day before, yesterday we saw that you couldn't get up anymore and we all knew that we didn't have a choice. I heard your crying when you fell and tried to get up, and I came to help you as I always did in the past two weeks, but this time when I tried to help you stand up you couldn't stand up anymore. Your back legs were numb. Then you put your head on my lap and I understood that you didn't want to suffer anymore. I really hope I understood it right, because recently you were so confused and we thought that you didn't even know what you wanted anymore.
So we brought the doctor to the house, and he came here to my office, and you barked at him so loud, because a stranger entered into the house and you had to protect us until your last minute. He tried to examine you and it was horrible. Dreyfus, you have always been a symbol. I got you as a package with Alex, and my love for you started even before we met. You were a lion of sorts, you were the king of the house, you were home. So we wanted to keep your dignity and not humiliate you with trying more pills, or put you on wheels so you'd be able to go out and pee.
But then suddenly you got up and started walking slowly. Do you remember? I didn't understand what was going on. We thought for a minute to cancel everything. You walked around the house, peed on the grass, and by the time you walked back through the front door I could see that you could hardly carry yourself. You went to drink some water from your bowl and then fell again in the kitchen. I try to tell myself that that was your way of saying goodbye to the house, but it's so painful for me, Dreyfus, because on the one hand I wanted you to be with us forever, but on the other hand I wanted to release you from the pain. It was so hard for me when the doctor explained to me that they would put you to sleep in a process of three injections. The first stage was a really really really strong pain killer. I can imagine that by then you started to feel better. Your nose was squished against the kitchen wall because you didn't want to move from there. So Alex and I sat there with you, petted you and thanked you for everything you've done for us, and told you that we loved you and that we were with you. And then Koobeh came. You know, he's still a puppy, but I think he understood what was going on, so he just sat next to us and looked at you.
And then the doctor gave you the second injection to fade out your senses.
We hugged you so strong, until you didn't feel anything. Alex lifted you up and we brought you to the porch. The same porch where you liked so much to sit in the sun, near the two steps. That was really the only part of our house we didn't renovate. There the doctor gave you the third injection. By then you where asleep and probably didn't feel it, but we were there, the three of us, next to you. We touched you and I looked at your belly going up and down until it stopped. And then you moved, like a seizure. That was your last heartbeat.
That heart, Dreyfus, taught me what love is without conditions. This is something I didn't know before. I remember that at the beginning when I used to be angry at you, I always asked Alex how come you still came to me and wanted to lick me when I was mean to you, and then I understood that dogs- as opposed to people - are love machines. They just give love, this is their job. And I guess that as much as they give- they also get.
You've gone through a lot, compared to the average life of a dog: since you were found neglected in an empty apartment in New York after going with no food for days, you arrived at Alex's home. From there you moved to LA, to Tel Aviv (you had a tough flight, but we wanted you to be with us!), and then we came back to LA, and you also had to share the house with a rabbit for a while, with a cat that we found, and the worst of all- at a late age for you we got Koobeh, and suddenly you weren't the only dog. I know you were angry at us, and it was very hard for you, but we wanted another dog to see who and what Dreyfus was, and maybe get some of your wonderful personality.
Dreyfus, I want to say thank you for everything you did for me. During the last six years you turned out to be a true part of me. We were obsessed with love for each other. At every moment it was important to me to know that you were OK. I refused to go on vacations with Alex because I couldn't let anyone else take care of you when you were sick. You taught me in silence what love is, the meaning of caring for someone, the meaning of being together, and how important it is not to take things for granted. From the moment I met you until your last second- I didn't neglect you. I was with you until the end, wanting you to have a good life and be happy. I hope that in your doggie-kind-of way you do think you had a good life.
I want you to know that I will never forget you. You're the first dog I ever had. You opened the door to the world of having a pet, and like Alex rescued you and we rescued Koobeh, I promise you that despite the hole in my heart at the moment and the hole in our family caused by not having you with us, thanks to you I'm going to keep rescuing dogs as long as I live. I feel like you changed not only my life, but also the lives of other people who didn't like dogs that much. You didn't jump on old people, you were gentle when you sensed that someone was afraid of dogs. It was as if you understood the cure for dog-phobia. And I know this because my grandmother told me- and before she met you she was afraid of dogs.
Dreyfus, the big photo of you on our wall will always stay there. Because yesterday, March 4th 2013, you turned into a legend. I'm going to tell my kids stories about you, and remember you forever. And I hope that some day you'll come back to me in some form, and give me a sign that you understand this letter.
What is iMissDreyfus.com?
On March 4, 2013, I lost my dog, Dreyfus. He was 15, and he was the first dog I really had. Losing your dog or cat is something that only pet owners can understand. It's like losing a member of your family. It leaves a hole at home and in our hearts. Throughout my tremendous grief I was looking on the internet for a place to mourn Dreyfus in a welcoming environment, with people who really know how I feel. Since I couldn't really find one, I created one myself.
"iMissDreyfus" is not Facebook,Twitter, or any social media or forum. It's an intimate and personal place to mourn your pets and get them remembered by having a single page out of the countless pages on the internet, dedicated to them. Find out how you can add your petto this website and get an exclusive page in this virtual "pet cemetery."
This website it's not for profit, just for sympathy about how hard it is losing a pet. All revenue from ads are going to Animal shelters in Los Angeles and Tel Aviv.
iMissDreyfus.com was created and designed by Yanir Dekel.
Mourn Your Pet.
I'm so sorry for your loss. You can have your dog or cat remembered and mourned by adding them to iMissDreyfus.com. All you have to do is send me photos of your pet, the best that you ever took. You can also send a personal letter and/or fill in details about your pet, as shown of Dreyfus on the homepage. Writing a letter to your dog or cat after they die, even a short one, can be very comforting and sometimes is even recommended by therapists, when losing a soul that was so close to yours.
Send your details to firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll try to set up your page within a week from receiving the details.
iMissDreyfus is currently located in Los Angeles.
VCA TLC Animal Hospital - West Hollywood 8725 Santa Monica Boulevard West Hollywood, CA 90069